首页 -> 2006年第11期
美国校园趣事
作者：思 晴
下面和大家分享的是来自第七季18集中的几段发生在美国校园中的小故事。
记得自己上中学的时候，好像总是对大学校园的生活充满着无限好奇的。后来无论是在国外读书还是生活，我一直对学校生活满怀兴趣。无论走到哪里，总希望去当地的学校看看。
这一次决定带大家去纽约大学旁听一堂古生物学课程。相信我就跟我走吧，这绝对是次难得的新体验。
[Scene 1: N.Y.U, Professor Gellar is giving a lecture.]
（第一幕：纽约大学，盖勒教授正在给学生们上课）
我们所说的盖勒，也就是《老友记》六个好朋友中的个子最高、学习最好的那个小伙儿——Ross。Ross 原先在博物馆工作，但前阵子自己炒了自己的鱿鱼。换了工作后，竟然摇身一变成为了纽约大学的古生物学讲师。
在这次课上，他将绘声绘色地为学生们讲解“速龙”（Velociraptor）在大自然中遇到掠食者的反应…… 千万不要走开哦！
Ross: ...it was Ernst Muhlbrat who first hypothesized 1 that the Velociraptor 2 would expand it's collar and emit a high pitched noise to frighten it's predator 3. (A student raises his hand.) Yes Mr. Lewis?
Lewis: What kind a noise?
Ross: Just a high pitched intimidating noise.
Lewis: But like how?
Ross: Well we-we don't know for sure. But in my head it-it sounded something like this. (He makes a high pitched noise and Alan doesn't know what to make of it.) Of course, this is just conjecture. Okay, that's uh, that's all for today.
真是赶上有好学的学生啊，老师讲解“速龙”在自然界遇到天敌时，通常会发出一种高频的噪音。我猜这一招儿就好像怕狗的人，见到狗狗走近，会虚张声势地俯身做出捡石头的姿势一般。老师刚说到“噪音”的问题，就有好事者问道：请问这是什么样的一种声音呢？未免太没想象力了吧！追问得Ross无处可逃，直好可怜巴巴地从嗓子眼儿里挤出令众人毛骨悚然的怪声，告诉大家，在他看来，噪音就是这样子的。“当然，这都是我们后人的假设而已……”Ross很不好意思地补充了一句。
Ross一向是个认真负责的人，讲完课后，他老人家都不忘留学生谈话。看来，这一幕不论是在中国校园，还是美国校园，都是大家熟悉得不能再熟悉的场景了……
Ross留下的男孩儿，长相十分古怪，在我看来，应该算不上是帅哥的。他的名字叫Morse。谈及到Morse糟糕的期中考试成绩时，对方解释道，自己成绩不佳是因为沉迷爱情所致，请求Ross可以网开一面。Ross看来十分无奈，你离及格线差得也太远了，老师我实在是无能为力啊，再说了，您没考及格，实在是和我也不大相干的。没料到，Morse这时忽然望向Ross，深情款款地说：怎么和你不相关，我爱上的人是你啊！老天啊！好一个晴天霹雳的消息！Ross一时间头脑一片空白，心说了：刚刚还说跟我没什么关系，你这小子就把我拉上了贼船，这回我是和这事儿脱不了干系了！
要说现如今的学生真是爱整蛊整到家了，当我们还在沉迷于N年前港台周星星版《校园威龙》系列故事的时候，人家美国的年轻人已经搬出了更加致命的“化学武器”，来对付老师了……
Ross:...Uh Mr. Morse, can I see you for a moment?
Morse: Yes sir.
Ross: Mr. Morse I need to talk to you about your mid-term exam, I'm afraid I-I had to fail you.
Morse: (shocked) Why?!
Ross: Well you need 60% to pass....
Morse: What'd I get?
Ross: Seven.
Morse: That's not so good.
Ross: No-no it's not. What-what happened there Ned?
Morse: Well maybe you can cut me some slack 4. I'm sort of in love.
Ross: Well I'm sorry but, that-that's really not my problem.
Morse: I'm in love with you.
Ross: Well that brings me in the loop a little5.
Morse: You see, that's why I did so bad on this test. I'm having a hard time concentrating. When you're up there ... and you're teaching and your face gets all serious...you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck 6 sweater....
Ross: Okay! ... Umm, I uh, I'm your teacher. I'm sorry, you're-you're a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
[Scene 2: Back to home,Ross is helping his friend Joey with his tie.]
(第二幕 下班后，Ross在家中帮助好友Joey系领带)
下班后，Ross向朋友们讲起学校发生的一幕。说着说着，就由这个事件发散到自己人格魅力的话题上去了。Ross不无得意地炫耀道，自己作老师虽然时间不长，但身边总是不乏粉丝、崇拜者和追求者。有女生喜欢也就罢了，现如今连男生都倾慕上自己了，Ross这叫一个得意啊，这难道不说明问题吗！